quote:

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"Well I'm torn between people being able to change or being unable, I like it regardless of whether it's depressing or the like. It’s just a thing that makes me tick, and so I keep it."

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I caught Sadoru-san motioning to me. I got the message pretty clear and it was a 'no'. I looked between him and Icchan before nodding. What exactly Sadoru-san was telling me not to tell Icchan, I wasn't sure; he might have been referring to letting him listen in...but I stepped back from him and gave a Sadoru-san a mock-salute as I stepped back from Icchan, who seemed to be busy with Na-chan anyways.

Suddenly there was a flurry of activity following the sound of the doorbell. A few people at the door were leaving. Na-chan left for it in a rush too and I went after her. I wanted to say goodbye properly but she was in such a rush that she was at the door before I could move. And by the time I did, Sadoru-san was in front of me, talking to who seemed to be Na-chan's mother.

I bowed a greeting to her from behind and observed. So this was the woman who had raised Na-chan. She seemed the complete opposite of her. Not severe by nature maybe but her worn out look gave her a sense of severity. I'd looked at her for less than two seconds and I wished she'd show some expression...a smile, anything. It was unnerving, the way she was looking at Sadoru-san. Na-chan however seemed unphased by her.

Of course, it's her mother...but...

She introduced Sadoru-san and talked happily with her mother and I wondered about Na-chan's childhood yet again. Na-chan had her Shadow to perhaps account for her behavior but what had possessed her mother to raise her like that...removed from everything and seemingly everyone.

Post last edited by fenkashi on 06.05.2008, 10:41 PM.

"No, I-"

Bang, flash, gone. Oh, and back again to hug Seisaku. If it was any other girl, I would've been thrown back, but hey, this was Na-chan we're talking about.

I sighed. Somebody needs to keep a leash on this girl.

I dumped Natsuba's breakfast on to a nearby table and walked briskly after Tanaka, who was, as I was, interested inher mother. What I saw was a surprise. No, a shock.

She was... barely there. She looked so frigid and cold that the it seemd as though the cold air around her had frozen up. Surprisingly, she still managed to exude an air of dignity and feminism, but...

This is Natsuba's mother?!

Suddenly, I didn't feel like making acquaintances her.

Unfortunately, Tanaka had bowed, and I bowed slightly automatically. I quickly shook off the tense feeling and exuded my usual air of confidence, the one I use to hide my distaste.

Turning to Tanaka, I whispered to her, "I think I'll be going now myself, wouldn't want to make a scene in front of her mom. Besides, I don't feel like being around an Ice Queen, at any rate."

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“Ameashi desu. Natsuba-san?”

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AMEASHI SAKURA

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“I missed you so much! I did! I did! I had a lovely time, there was food and fireworks an…”

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Na-chan looked at me said something and dashed off before I could really even be there. It was probably her mother like she said, right on time as well.

Na-chan seemed to be happy to see her, but all I could see was a rather cold woman, not really caring but just getting by trying to deal with as little as possible. Its easy to minimize problems by sheltering her so that was an answer to that question, but Im yet to figure out if it was the right answer.

I gave her a smile as she dashed around a bit more getting her things together before she was off. I felt anger from this woman and I hardly wanted any directed at me, I was liable to call her on it. I just sat and watched. I felt powerless and probably was.

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“Get your things and say your goodbyes, mummy needs to go.”

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“Thank you very much for having Na-chan, I hope she wasn’t too much trouble.”

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“Aomori. In the forest, one day, hm? Go do it and take someone nice with you!”

---

Her station came up much too soon. The train slowed, stopped and the doors slid open, “Bye.” It was all I could think of to say.

She stepped off, turned to look back. I looked too. I wished I had a camera to freeze that moment for ever. The doors began to shut, as they closed I suddenly blurted out the truth, “I’ll think of you!”

Swish! Donk! The doors shut. The train began to move. I leaned on the glass and held up a hand in goodbye as her face slid away, I twisted round to get the very last glimpse of her.

Then she was gone, the train sped up, rattling and swaying. I remained leaning on the door and put my forehead against the glass.

Missing you already…

Suddenly... suddenly I was missing her a lot. I stood there quietly doodling invisible flowers with my fingertip on the glass while a hot stinging rushed up into my eyes. I wasn’t unhappy that she suddenly wasn’t there, these weren’t tears of longing, they were quite the opposite. As the stinging heat bloomed and the drops ran down my cheeks I had an impossibly big smile on my face. Not tears of longing, tears of joy.

I did think of her. All the way home. And after I got home too. These thoughts were unlike those of Hiromi which made me ache. These made me smile. Hug myself and smile. Grin even, like a madwoman. Weep like someone on their knees in the throes of religious conversion.

What is this feeling? I could take a guess though I didn’t dare to, in case… in case what? In case it goes wrong? Why would it go wrong?

Because. That’s why. Just because. Because in the past stuff going wrong is all you’ve known and now you don’t dare hope.

* * * * * * * * * *

I got in, emptied my bag, undressed and threw everything in the laundry. I put my yukata on and ran the bath. As it filled I went into my room and slid the shouji open and stepped out onto the polished boards of the back verandah. I put a palm to one of the uprights that supported the pitched roof and stood looking at the garden. The day was dull but at least the rain had stopped and the garden smelled wonderful, earthy and crisp. Spring was here, new growth, new beginnings. New… everything. A smile lit my face.

You’re smiling way too much these days, people will think you’re an escaped madwoman.



The escaped madwoman didn’t care. She went back inside. On my desk was a picture in a frame, a smiling ten year old stranger in a yellow dress. Picking up the frame I studied the girl’s face one last time before unclipping the holders and sliding the picture out. I placed it carefully in one of my old photo albums along with many similar ones and re-clipped the frame. It sat on my desk, empty.

“Need to fill you,” I told it. Pulling my huge bean bag, big enough for two, across to the open screen I plumped myself down in it, slobbing out horizontal. I flipped open my phone and dialed.

“Hi. Just got in. Yeah. Hm. You been in long?” I listened to her telling me of her walk home. I let her voice lift me up. “Right, pretty quick then? OK. Uhm, that’s good. Yes, well a bath first then eat. Then homework tonight. Huh, yeah, I know, I know. But it’s not due ‘til Wednesday so I might chill and let it slide one more evening.”

“Oh yes? Yeah, good, that’s good. Have fun. Well I’ll go out later, got some shopping to do. Oh, you know, stuff, just stuff. No, I’m not telling what! No! It’s secret. Nope, no way. Don’t push your luck Hikari, you’ll find out in due course… Oh really? Well, if you’re going to be like that I might not go shopping at all. Ha, ha, yeah, I know, so deal with it. The day I stop teasing you will see a snow storm in hell. You’re much too cute when you’re cross. Yeah, yeah, right, fibber! You wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“Must go, bath will overflow. Yeah, and you, well, sure, call me tonight. That would be cool. Yeah, bye.”

I put my phone on the floor and lay there. Then I slammed both fists into the bean bag at my sides and said “Yes!” I brought my feet up a little and began drumming them hard and fast on the bag, my fists too, pummeling like crazy, “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! YES!” I rolled over and got to my feet, I bounced out onto the verandah then barefoot jumped down to the wet grass and ran to the centre of the lawn where I leapt in the air and punched the sky. “YES!” I stood there, head back, sucking in air. It tasted fantastic, like a new world.

Which it was.

“Thank you!” I said, laughing at the sky, before running in over the wet grass to my bath.

* * * * * * * * * *

Late in the afternoon I got the train into Kawasaki. I only needed one thing and tried a couple of shops before I found the good quality one I was looking for. I picked it up and weighed it in my hand, trying a few experimental goes with it. I paid for it then went across the street to a party shop to buy a card and some gift wrapping for the box.

On a whim I went into a department store and looked at swimming costumes. My old one was too small now and way too frumpy. The only other one I had was the school one which was like an industrial bio-hazard suit and no-one swims in public in a school costume. In the end I didn’t get one. It wasn’t that I wasn’t in the mood. It would just be a lot more fun to go clothes shopping with someone.

Back home I got an indelible marker pen and wrote on my gift, signed my name under the message and added yesterdays date. Then wrote a message in the card.

That night as I lay in bed and sleep began to invade my thinking, my last coherent thought was what a weekend, what a strange, strange weekend, who would have possibly guessed…?

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"Takako didn’t actually describe the connection, she just told me right afterwards that she’d learned her Mihariban had a name and what it was. Which I didn't think too much of at the time other than surprise that such a thing had a person's name. Then I learned later…”

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__________________

Icchan said his goodbyes and went. As I shut the door behind him and turned I noticed Kazuo.

“Well, things are about over.” Tanaka was with us and as far as my memory went possibly Rakuin was the only other guest in the house.

Oh, and Hibiki was still here. Hadn't seen him for ages though, maybe he went?

Relaxing at last now I leaned back on the hallway wall and slid down to the floor, pulling up my knees and leaving them apart, rested my forearms on them. I put my head back against the wall.

“I need a long hot soak and a proper bed,” I said aloud to myself. I tilted my head own again, “Oh, Kazuo, where were we?”

Post last edited by Saddletank on 06.08.2008, 04:29 AM.

When I got in dad called me into the kitchen.

“Did you have a good time?”

“Hai! It was lovely, great fun, the people in my class are great, I’m making some great friends.”

“Good. This arrived yesterday.” He smiled at me and held out the letter. I read it.

. . .

“Oh wow! Oh yeah! This is great, so it’s all decided?”

“Hai,” mum said, smiling. I grinned up at them. This was it!

“I start when, week after next, as we said?”

“Hai,” she said again, nodding, “As decided.”

“Do you know who the coach is? What’s he like?”

“What she’s like. She’s a female coach. Kanazawa Yvonne.”

My face lit up and my jaw dropped.

“The Kanazawa Yvonne? Semi-finalist, hundred metres hurdles, Sydney two thousand?”

“I knew you’d be pleased.”

“She’s going to coach me? Oh, wow, dad! Mum! This is the best! Thank you! Thank you so much!” A female coach was even better, it was better than better, it was perfect!

I jumped over to mum and gave her a hug, dad came up behind me and we all squished together squeezing tight. Dad kissed the top of my head.

“You’re going to be fast.” he said.

“I am,” I replied, “Fastest in the world!”

- - - - - -

Later in my room I was doing my homework. A thought came to me. I clicky-clicked my mechanical pencil against my chin.

This is going to affect everything. My free time, my schoolwork.

…My friends.

This will affect them too…

I sat silently thinking for a time. I thought long and hard about one person. I left my homework and went out walking. I went down by the river and watched it flowing.

Streams and rivers.

I have to tell you this. I have to tell you what changes this will make. Its not fair on you not to. I heaved a big sigh then went back home and finished my work.

In the evening I went out for a run. While running I thought a lot more. I came to a decision.

Kashikoi suddenly took out her phone, and looked at it, grumbling. Have I missed something...?

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"Gomen, I have to go. See ya tomorrow!"

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Only after Icchan had made a quick exit, I noticed that there were only four of us left, or five if he hadn't left yet. I don't want to be that last one to go... I checked my watch as Sadoru came over and sat down near me. Damn, yeah. I've got to go.

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“Oh, Kazuo, where were we?”

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Post last edited by Kazegami on 06.08.2008, 11:36 AM.

Na-chan left with her mother and I felt a little bit of a worry for her. There was a case to be made of mistreatment, but I wasn't that head strong. I figured that it was my time to leave as well. I went around saying little byes to everyone and thanking Sadoru and I left. I was still debating whither I would catch a train part way or just walk it. I figured I might as well just walk it as I had things I need to think about.

Everyone had gone except Tanaka-san, she went to the tent to get her things and came back out saying Takako was still asleep but had a fever. Not particularly wanting to be in a place I might not be welcome I called mom and she went in and checked, deciding that the girl needed to be got home at once.

In the end dad drove her home, I went with her and Tanaka-san came too, sitting in the back with our patient. After we had dropped off Takako we took Tanaka-san home.

I spent the afternoon tidying everything up, taking down the tents. It had stopped raining but everything was wet. It was a disgusting job – clearing the garden of forgotten glasses and dead fireworks, putting the dirty bedding through the laundry (it took four full washes) and a few other odd jobs. Then homework. Finally in the evening I went out on my bike and took some photographs in the clean cold air. When I got in mom caught me, “Sakkun, don’t forget this.” ‘This’ was the large gift-box Fushida had brought.

I took it up to my room and unwrapped it. I took it out of it’s box and stood it on my desk and was stunned. A bonsai. An oak. And quite beautiful, not mature but not a sapling either. It must have cost a lot. I was overcome, it was far too much of a gift for someone to give who I hardly knew. There was a glossy leaflet with it about how to care for it but I wouldn’t need it. Mom had four of her own on the lounge windowsill – a Zelkova, a Chinese Willow, a Sakura and a Camphor – so she would show me how to care for it. I carefully carried it over to the window and made space for it on the end of one of my shelves where it would get the most light. In summer it could sit out on the balcony on a table, there was a small folding square metal one in the shed that would be perfect, it just needed a rub down and repaint.

I looked at the tree. Fushida, arigato, you crazy girl, that’s far too much!