Posted by Nausicaa_Cat on 03.18.2012, 01:30 PM:
Okay, I think the best way for me to explain what sexual equality for me is to show how I view the society in which I live. I live in England, a fairly progressive country in terms of womens rights, just to clarify.
As a young woman, I am almost constantly afraid when out at night on my own. Not even late at night, even when I'm beside main roads in well-lit areas I am afraid. I hold my keys in my hand, as a meager form of self-defense if I'm attacked, and if possible call a friend. My society tells me that if I go out at night, by myself, then I am bound to be sexually assaulted and it will be my fault for being out at such a time and by myself. I am also told that if I wear a short skirt and display a lot of skin, and I get raped - well then, I kind of asked for it didn't I? I am highly aware that rape, as a criminal charge, is hugely difficult to stick - that often it just involves an extremely traumatic experience for the victim which ends up with them being defamed as a liar and losing faith in the system which should protect them. I, as a woman, am taught from a young age that if I act a certain way, if I dress a certain way and if I walk when or where I shouldn't than I'll probably be assaulted - and damn, shouldn't I know better?
One of the original British suffragettes, when asked back in the early 1900s why she joined the cause, recalled being told when she was younger that she wasn't allowed to go out at night because men would treat her badly. Her response to this, boiled down to 'well, why aren't the men told to stay in then?'
A century later and we're in much the same situation. It disgusts me that I have to spend a life full of fear of attack in case my male counterparts are unable to control themselves.
Rapists are an extreme example, however, I'll admit. Well for me, when I go out in broad daylight, wearing completely 'respectable' clothing, I still feel uncomfortable walking past groups of young men. I'm still accosted, called out to and made to feel like a piece of meat. I have lost count of the number of times I have been beeped or honked at by passing cars/trucks - though what these drivers expect to come of their behaviour I have never been able to figure out.
Ah well, this is only a small number of loutish men who can't be taken as a representation of all men in general, you might say. Maybe you're right. Well then, let's take the average guy you'd find in a pub these days. I am sick to death of hearing 'lad' jokes, of being told to 'get back in the kitchen, love' or 'pipe down, dear'. I hear these kind of comments all the time, but for some reason because they are a 'joke' I'm meant to find it acceptable. If I made a racist 'joke' I'd be met with disgust, so why is it okay that a man can demean an essential part of my identity but I'm meant to find it funny? Even the nicest, most polite of guys will happily join in on the odd laugh at my genders expense.
It's the kind of casual, derogatory behaviour that girls meet all the time. It might seem like a tiny thing, but all those tiny things show a lack of respect that women still deal with. Decades of heroic feminism has managed to push back the barriers slightly, it has managed to earn us legal equality in many ways and women have forced their way into previously unyielding professions but equality still hasn't been achieved.
If people can still believe that a woman is a 'whore' because she dresses in a revealing way, still think behaving in a 'sexy' way displays a lack of self-respect then clearly equality is still a way off.
It angers me that regardless of how intelligent I am, of how hard-working or funny or witty, that I am still demeaned - that I am still treated as a sexual object.
From what I understand, maybe this perception is wrong, the Muslim faith has women cover their bodies to 'protect them' from the lustful gazes of men. To me that just seems illogical. If these men are unable to control themselves then they should cover their eyes. They should confront themselves as to why they are unable to view attractive women as equal, thoughtful beings. Self-improvement is a pretty vital concept of any religion, people are meant to cultivate higher thoughts and purer personalities. Why would women have to cover themselves up, instead of men learning to deal with their animalistic desires. There have been comments about how wearing few clothes is a signpoint of barbarity, but a man who is still so deeply subject to his base desires is far closer to a beast, in my opinion. Just to be clear, I understand these kind of principles aren't isolated to the Islamic faith alone, I just chose it as an example as it has been mentioned several times.
To summarise, yes, I want legal equality in terms of my rights and my job opportunities. But I want more than that. I want to recieve the same respect that a man would give any fellow man. I don't think that is so ridiculous. I want to feel safe. I want to wear clothes that I think look nice, regardless of how they might look to others, without being labelled as a slut. And you know what, I want to be as sexually promiscious as I damn well please because frankly it is no other individuals business but my own. When I get married, I expect my partner to pull his weight in the rearing of our children and household work, and to never expect me to check my own career ambitions. And if things don't work out and we make each other unhappy, then I don't want to be trapped in a depressing relationship for the rest of my life simply because some people believe I have a duty to sacrifice all my own hopes, dreams and happiness for the sake of others. As the child of divorced parents I wouldn't wish them back together for all the world, I want them to be happy and they couldn't do that when they were together. I understand that there are ingrained, biological roles that women are bound to play, but my entire being revolts against the idea of being told by any what I should do or wear, or who I should be.
As a woman I shouldn't have to fit myself around men's perceptions of me, of how men want me to behave, because that does not make us equals. In summary, in response to those comments made by (for example, saviour) what puts you in such an enlightened position as a man to tell me to shape my entire being around what you expect of a 'respectable' woman? Frankly, it just makes me contemptuous of anybody who could believe that. You look down on women who dress too 'sexy'? I look down on imbeciles who would judge a person on something so superficial.
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